


Fight behind cameras

by ofiuciocontuco, WhiskerBiscuit



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: 505 is not a sweet boy, Behind the Scenes, M/M, Paperhat - Freeform, The Author Regrets Nothing, Villainous - Freeform, behind camera AU, black hat and flug are a married couple!!, cambot hides something big under his hat, demecia has a rock band, one-sided attraction 505/dementia, the show is a lie, this was suppose to be a funny fic...I dunno I tried my best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofiuciocontuco/pseuds/ofiuciocontuco, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiskerBiscuit/pseuds/WhiskerBiscuit
Summary: “Ok, everybody, show is over!”.And as if this phrase were some kind of magic spell, all the characters showed their real selves....





	1. From bad to worse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Left_In_The_Wreckage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Left_In_The_Wreckage/gifts), [Cookiezrawesome12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookiezrawesome12/gifts).



> This fic could be realized thanks to the help of my two betas:  
> @ Left_In_The_Wreckage  
> @Cookiezrawesome12
> 
> (you should totally read their fics, they're wonderful writers!!)

It was a wonderful morning, neither cold nor hot and the birds sang happily. On days like this, one couldn't wait for being kicked in your butt, running for your life while you’re being chased by mortal robots with lasers, survive to all kind of weapons and humiliations and then being squashed by elegants shoes, in that precise order. Flug stared angrily at who would soon become his ex-husband, Black Dumb Hat. He still couldn’t believe what he had done to him, he was so indignant that the words wouldn’t leave his throat. So he stayed in the floor, staring in silence as a silent, mortal volcano. All the while the demon ignored the scientist's state and screamed happily, “Ok, everybody, show is over!”.

And as if this phrase were some kind of magic spell, all the characters showed their real selves. The first one to drop the act was 5.0.5, whose real name was Bernie, known in the neighborhood for being the bear who has a human life, if you can consider that a life (other people preferred to define it as the hangover or the leftovers of a human life). He quickly picked up a bottle of beer and started to drink it thirstily. There were few things he couldn’t stand, one of them was sobriety. After a long day of filming, all his body wanted was a good chair to sink his fat ass into, luckily for him there were three chairs near there, where the rest of the team rested. He looked at them carefully, one of them was a hot babe, a boring camera robot and his favourite companion of all: an empty chair. 

He pounced happily on the piece of furniture, he felt how his muscles relax as his back started to make noises that would excite any chiropractor's wallet. It was a fact that he was getting old, but that didn’t stop him from continuing with his drinking like he was some kind of giant baby with his bottle. The tide of beer and the light drunkenness that was accumulating warmly on his face was slowly drowsing him. He woke up when he heard the woman's shrill voice.

“Acting is so hard!” the redhead complained bitterly while she was filing her nails with a gesture of a disinterested secretary.

“At least you don’t have a lame character. That’s hard!” replied the bear, momentarily moving his lips away from the drink.

“You don’t even know the meaning of hard, you decadent capitalist pigs!” chanted cambot with a slight French accent that made the “g” and “s” sound like someone was gargling butter (something a bit difficult for a robot ... but the sound was undoubtedly that).

The bear stared at the machine in astonishment, he should have guessed that he was French, he had a beret and everything ... was his age making him slow to catch stereotypes? perhaps he just didn’t want to judge by appearances, after all, “you never know when reality is going to play dirty and betray you” try to mentally justify himself the poor bear. “For example, the girl over there appears to be the typical instagram girl, but perhaps she can surprise us with an intelligent comment reveal a deep personality” 

“I can’t believe I lost likes on my topless photo!” growled the girl hunched over her cell phone.

“Or she can surprise us by being very easy to seduce” sentenced the mind of the bear, a perverted smile stretched across his face. 

He approached to the girl without any dissimulation of his intentions, his hairy arm leaned on the girl's chair

“Tell me sweetie, how a beautiful girl like you ended up in this low set?”

“I’ve always admired Black Hat and when I read that they were searching actresses I just jumped at the chance. This could also be great publicity for my band,” answered the younger one without taking her eyes off the cell phone

The bear approached even more his face invading the personal space of the girl, his smile becomes bigger showing his fangs and dark gums.  
“Ohh, you’ve a band! That sounds great, I’ve a bar. We could arrange an agreement that combines with those sweet legs of yours” a playful claw had begun to move in the girl's stockings

A tremendous slap removed the girl's face from his vision.

“ughh, get away from me pedobear!” her voice sounded far off, he tried to search for her with his gaze. The girl had turned into a red and green pom pom that was leaving him. With each step that the girl walked away, the hopes of having a sex life also went away...

“It’s the flower, isn’t it? look it’s plastic!! it’s not real!!“ Bernie shouted frustrated as he threw the flower and stepped on the ground. He felt like the object of scenography hurt his foot. Who would say that a damn plastic flower could be so sharp? The bear was removing the flower when a shadow appeared, in the worst possible moment (as usual). Bernie looked up to find the face of Black Hat, who had materialized in front of the bear with his wicked smile

 

“What do you think buddy? Do we still have the evil spark, or what?”

“Black Hat if I was not indebted to the marrow with you, you would never have convinced me to do something as degrading as this”

“oh come on, you look fine!”

“And that’s the problem!! do you know what the boys at the bar call me now? marshmallow, Sweet little bear, floweret! And this is all your fault, fucker!”

The demon with the top hat couldn’t resist the laughter. Bernie was about to punch his face when a terrible light erupted ready to attack his corneas with the same brutality as a dentist with a bad day or a fashion designer who thought fluorescent clothes were a good idea.

“Smile!” exclaimed the redhead with a giggle after taking a photo with the killer flash.

The poor bear snarled in pain and rubbed his eyes while the girl continued her chatter

“I’ll put this in all my social network i’m so happy to work with you Black Hat, I still can’t believe it…. Flug come here I want a group photo!”

If the redhead hadn’t been so blinded with her dreams of fame, maybe she would has noticed that Flug's state had gone from "grumpy" to "I’m thinking in multiples ways to kill you and some of them aren’t scientifically proven yet"

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Black Hat asked distractedly as he approached to him

“Don’t you even dare to touch me”

“Ohhh, someone has marital problems” the bear sang with a little evil croon. It really warmed his heart the couple discussions, it was like watching some kind of free soap opera. But in the case of Black Hat and Flug’s relationship, it was more like a stand up comedy. He was so happy he had brought with him some popcorn (when he was reluctant to join the group on this crazy show, he knew he could at the very least expect interesting discussions). 

Flug pushed past his husband while he put a helmet in his head, which made him seem even more ridiculous (something difficult for an adult who wore a paper bag over their head but it was somewhat possible with a black helmet with pink flames and stars painted on it).

“Flug are you going home so soon? Wait for me a bit” said the demon with the typical nervous smile of "can we please not make a scene in front of everyone?"

“who said I’m going home with you?” answered the other with an indignation of "Yes, we’re going to cause a scene and I'm going to tear your reputation apart while I’m at it!” He was turning on the motorcycle to get away from there in the most dramatic way possible.

“In that case Flug, Can you lend me Black Hat for another photo?” asked the redhead without being aware of the tension that was developing around the couple, she had been too busy for be taken out to listen the chatter of the group, she was tweeting and updating her facebook with phrases like "LMAO, guess who is a star now?", "working with the best of the best "and photos of food and drinks, those important things that the famous actresses like her do nowadays. Also the selfie stick doesn’t put together itself, or does it?

The doctor turned off the vehicle and slowly raised his head up

“Lend you Black hat?” 

He stared first at the girl and then to the demon with a cold and contained anger, he had that kind of eyes of who had planned every movement and every slash. Black hat just swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I’ll give him to you, he’s all yours girl. With his seductive smile and his broken promises. I guess he’s not going to hide you in a closet like me, denying your dates and saying things like ‘oh no, it’s not what it seems. He’s my minion’ when you were his husband for over 25 YEARS!! and then I suppose he wouldn’t mistreat you in front of a camera to look good! because of course you’re a girl and an evil guy can’t be taken seriously if he’s gay!! Right Black Hat??!!”

The silence was uncomfortable and weighed on them like an asphyxiating anvil made of pure social discomfort. They seemed frozen as if they were shot by one of Flug's ice rays. They were immobile and uncomfortable, not knowing what to do like when you’re posing for the school picture, you just stand there not knowing what else is coming. 

The blue bear approached the robot shyly and whispered in his ear (or where it would have been if he were human) “I hope you’re filming this cambot, this is gold for extort!”

Cambot nodded “Of course I am, I want to negotiate paid vacations.”

“Well thought-out,” the bear commented, his eyes till cemented on the scene playing out before them. 

Meanwhile the fight continued

“Don’t make a scene, drama queen!! the show was your idea, Flug!!!”

“MY IDEA???!!! MY IDEA???!! My idea was to get you off of the couch and get over your midlife crisis. Not this!! I don’t remember saying to you let’s make the Black Hat’s show, the only thing I told you was help me to create a video to sell my shit on internet!! I didn’t stop you because you were so excited, but this! this! “

“Oh don’t change your story now! you said that this could be my return to the villainy, that i could show to the world that i’m still being black hat”

The bear and the girl started to eat popcorn, cambot continued filming his future blackmail for salary increase, paid vacations and some islands in the mediterranean…

“BUT THIS IS NOT THE REAL YOU!! AND I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THIS! So you’ve to choose between this lie or me.”

“You can’t be serious!”

“Watch my serious back then” Flug turned on the motorcycle and drove away.

“FLUG, WAIT!!!” 

In a state of supreme pain and stupidity, the demon had run desperately after the motorcycle. Forgetting his supernatural powers, forgetting his capacity for shapeshifting or teleportation. He was only absorbed by the situation, by the drama and by the terrible words of his beloved. Running after him like a lap dog, running after him to beg his forgiveness.

Far from there, the filming set remained static, the three actors were paralyzed, like the indignant public whose movie literally just escaped on a motorcycle and ran away.  
But the serenity of the silence did not prosper, the redhead felt a sharp caress on her shoulder again and looked with disgust at the owner of those claws.

“So they left us alone?” a huge, smelly bluish mouth smiled, flirty as he savored those words

“Nope, only you,” The girl laughed mockingly as she walked away

“You’re wrong, i’m not alone. I’ve cambo…”

The bear couldn’t finish his phrase to notice that robot had gone away too.

“...well at least I’ve my beer…” 

His bottle was missing. Not any beer, the last of the pack. 

He stared at the horizon. Far away from there, the distant metal robot was dragging tons of objects while he walked on the street . Between its reflectors, makeup and sound equipment, an object shone more than the rest, an object made of pure glass. 

His beer. 

Why the hell would a robot want a beer for? Even worse ... why the stereotype of a french-misunderstand-artist would deign to drink something as inelegant as a beer? 

But there he was, the bear was completely alone with only one question in his heart

“... why does all that I love leave me?”


	2. A good night for Bernie the bear

The bar-house "The Blue Bear" was raised as an unstable construction of visible and putrid wood and veneer. It had been built at the worst possible time with the poorest materials, and like its owner they had seen better days. Horrible in the light of day, like a nightmare. But in the night, when the lanterns were lit and if one was drunk enough, it was a place where you could throw a mattress on the floor and claim that you lived better than an average homeless person. It was a place that you could get used to and call home. 

Bernie awoke in the night by the strange sounds that echoed in his room. He could swear that he was listening to creaking floorboards, pants, and the strange, faint sound that gloved hands produce when they are pressed against furniture. Bernie cursed; of course he couldn’t have one peaceful night.

There were only two types of people who might be in his house without his permission in the late hours of the night: a thief or his stupid friend Black Hat. And in contrast to his friend, the thief would have the decency to at least let him sleep (after all, the thief is another worker and as such, he would respect the sacred dreaming hours of a fellow worker).

The bear got up bad-tempered and when he casted his eyes upward, he saw the sinister shade that was stalking him from the corner of the room. There he was, raised as a tumor of the floor, the demon with a top hat.

Bernie could have cursed a billion times, he could have kicked his friend out of his house or even mocked his weakness. He could have done that and it would have been great...but then he couldn’t. When the light of the moon filtered through the windows and revealed old outlines silvered in his dark cheeks and rusty roads traveled by tears and snots, his heart crinkled with anguish. Bernie looked at him with a gesture of tenderness and disgust (like a father when his baby is crying and is all poopy and he knows that he has to change diapers, or when you see your best friend drunk and puking all over the street and you know that now it's your turn to take him home). They are the things that one does in the name of love.

“I’m going to prepare us some tea,” the bear said as he rested his claws affectionately on his friend's shoulder.

Bernie lumbered down the stairs in low and elephantine movements that made the whole house tremble. Curiously, instead of feeling scared at the instability of the construction, the movements made Black Hat feel better, it gave him the sensation that he was being cradled and then, feeling pampered he headed for the kitchen. 

While the bear prepared the tea, the other looked at him, everything happened in silence, not an awkward silence...it was that kind of normal silence that you know that will happens when you watch a silent movie. Meanwhile, the kettle was on the stove, the fire was slowly heating the water.

Neither of the men were good at dealing with emotions ... Black Hat was very unstable emotionally speaking, he loved intensely, he hated even more intensely and as if it were a mathematical account, he suffered with the same intensity. Bernie was neutral ... as neutral as he could be, his emotions twisted under a thick mask of discomfort and masculinity.  
They accompanied each other as best they could with casual comments and sarcastic jokes. But when one of them had a breakdown, they just fell silent and expected that the other improve his mood and only then the conversation would return…

While the bear bent down to look for some cookies in the shelves, he felt how the other's gaze was nailed to his back ... he was never more thankful for being an alien blue nudist bear, because that was an ideal time for your pants to fall down and show a charismatic butt crack to your very depressed friend ...

He placed the cookies in a bowl ... the silence and the glances continued … well, now he was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable.

“He is gone, isn’t he?” he asked trying to broke the silence. Damn he was already regretting to have question that stupid question. This was the main reason why he should keep his mouth shut.

The demon's eyes clouded with tears. A stuttering, tearful face nodded with a faint moan

"You should have reached it dude! That motorbike wasn’t so fast, you're getting old!"

“I..I caught him...we talked...and then he...” it was difficult for him to articulate words in that state, his face burned with tears and the letters drowned in his throat

“he did what?” the bear asked impatiently while he was caressing his temples

“he say that… and then I... “ he cried and talked like a little boy in a tantrum... he couldn’t explain it ... the pain was too much... his chest hurt as if someone was squeezing his lungs, he began to breathe quickly ... he found himself gasping for air ...

“hey, hey calm down and breathe!” The bear took it with his claws forgetting for a moment his strength and lifting his friend about 20 centimeters from the ground the word "breathe" left his mouth in a gesture between yawn and roar. The next thing Bernie had forgotten to do, was brushing his teeth, forcing the demon to cough and take a deep breath of clean air when the bear stopped throwing his fetid breath on his face

"See it wasn’t so hard!" Bernie sentenced "Get the hell out of my kitchen! Wait me in the living room. Refresh out, get your shit together and breathe for god's sake!" he gently push him outside the door while he closed it 

You didn’t need to be a genius to deduce that when Black Hat sayed “we talked” he was trying to say “we broke up” and a normal person’s reaction would be to feel sad and worried for his best friend... but Bernie wasn’t a normal person, because firstly, he was not even a person ... and secondly, this was the happiest day of his life. He was trying to contain saying "Told ya so", "I always knew that human wasn’t good for you" and so many hundreds of predictable and rancorous speeches! Today was the day that he waited for so many years, today was the day when they would return to their old misdeeds!

He opened the kitchen’s door and went to the living room where, embracing and still crying like a teenager in a Broadway musical, was his friend seated on the couch. 

Both the tray and the house clinked with each step of the bear, who left as delicate as he could the cups and tea on the coffee table. Well, the coffee table was actually a word too big for what it was the appearance of the object, it was an old truck wheel stuffed with a strange and hard paste (which the narrator really begs for their sanity that it has never been an edible paste in the past). If the exterior of the house was ugly, it would compensate enormously with the interior, which was so hideous that the facade would seems as a masterpiece. Some overpowered wardrobes were getting wet like happy canaries under the roof leaks. Its shelves were full of rubbish and old pizza. Meanwhile, the armchairs seemed reupholstered by the fungi and the bed springs leaped dangerously into view ... but the most horrible offense for the eyes (and the pride of its owner) were the baroque wall decorations. It was full of trinkets that didn’t reveal even a glimpse of the dirty wall: all the old war trophies that he and the demon had achieved together were displayed, as well as some photos of them smiling nervously at a camera, calendars with naked women and posters of rock bands or planets exploding. 

Bernie sat up carefully, trying not to fall on top of a bed spring and served the tea 

“Are you putting vodka in your tea?” asked the demon with a certain disgust as he wiped the traces of tears with his sleeve

The bear continue filling his cup with the bottle of vodka

“Man you know that I can’t stand being sober for long periods of time, it’s bad for my health”

“Your health?”

“My mental health”

“What about your physical health?” 

“....Sometimes I drink water, just to surprise my liver” The bear answered cheekily with a mischievous smile

Black Hat looked at him annoyed and concerned, he didn’t like those kind of habits in his friend, it reduced the years of life in his short mortality. In the other hand, Bernie was more than happy that the demon didn’t want his tea with vodka because, for the record, there's nothing worse than dealing with a drunk shapeshifter.

“Hey we’re not here to talk about me, okay?... so tell me buddy...how are the things going with Flug?”

Black Hat’s face twisted in a gesture between pain and anger. Bernie was bearing the laughs, finally he was going to separate them and the best part of all is that the doctor made it very easy for him. He settled peacefully on the couch, drinking his tea and already nodding. He was prepare to listen a long monologue, to which he would agree to everything, in such a listening role similar to psychologist or a busy father reading newspapers. 

“I don't understand him! First he says he loves me and then he dumped me because I lightly pushed him in front of a camera… I mean, everything what I did, I did it for him! All this was to sell his products, after all! why can’t he see that? and it's not like his weapons were strong enough to cause mortal wounds, I would have saved him if that were the case! nobody dies for a little damage created by fire, lasers and killer robots much less if they are Flug’s designs….So I told him that he was being exaggerated and selfish ... and you know what he told me? He told me that I loved myself too much to love another living being… and then he ran away! he didn’t even say goodbye, he just left...”

"Clearly an idiot” answer the bear while he was serving a new cup of tea with vodka

“But he was MY idiot” 

“Yes, but he WAS...he didn’t value your relationship enough to keep going... and doesn’t that make him an idiot? losing someone so magnificent like you?”

“This isn’t over…. even when flug says it...it can’t be true...we need each other”

“On the bright side, you don’t have to continue tying up your life to a toxic relationship “

“We don’t have a toxic relationship!”

“Sure thing Romeo! how many times have you two quarrelled this week?”

“All the couples fight from time to time, is normal…” replied annoyed the demon as he crossed his arms offended

“Mhh... just what I thought… denial is a typical symptom in this kind of situations”   
The bear's mouth frowned in a gesture that could belong to a Victorian governess who was about to reprimand her pupil for bad behavior. Meanwhile the teaspoon mixed indifferently the tea with more vodka and a punchy claw surged over the biscuits.

“What situation?”

“Oh nothing ... just ... you know it's not your first fight with Flug ... the passion goes off, the bed suddenly becomes a chaste piece of furniture ... your partner just waits for you to tell you a routine of comments and criticism. .. everything is monotonous and gray ... you are witnessing the withered flowers of romance my friend” 

A hairy hand full of cookie crumbs settled down on the others shoulder as if trying to comfort him. His lips were an impassive straight line, but his eyes shone with an evil happiness, he was fortunate that the demon wasn’t really an observing subject, much less in that emotional state. So he waited patiently for his words to spill their poison and then their disgusting relationship would finally disintegrate. 

He just had to wait for Black Hat to understand his words. 

He never did...

“Well we’re fine then, because the bed is still used every night and -

“Oh shut up! I will add that to the list of things that I didn't want to know about your personal life…”

“What? Flug sleeps every night on the bed”

“Sleeps??? what do you mean by sleeps?...wait do you two at least sleep together?”

“No, why would I do that? Only humans need sleep, it’s such a useless way to store energy. He wastes more than 6 hours at night sometimes, 6 HOURS!”

Bernie stared at him dumbfounded, then his throat was invaded by a big and maniac laugh 

“OH MY GOD I CAN’T BREATHE!! YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS AND YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE IN THE BED!! I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY HE DIDN’T LEAVE YOU BEFORE!! BLACK HAT HUMANS HAVE SEX THERE!”

“WHY WOULD THEY HAVE SEX ON A BED?! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of! How unoriginal and uncomfortable..I mean, at the very least you need a kitchen cabinet for contortions and a ceiling for levitation! Why, when Flug and I start -”

"I’m not going to talk about your weird kamasutra here…”

"Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m still very upset”

“And you’re right to feel upset Hatty!! even more if I were you I would feel angry only thinking in all the years of my life that I waste in that human”

“But they weren’t wasted! I was going to give him the world! Literally! Conquering Earth was going to be his retirement gift when he became 65...and now that gift is ruined…” the demon responded with eyes overshadowed by the pain while his arms falled down in a defeated attitude

 

“mhhh…. you still can conquer the earth… I mean… what if you do that just to show him all what he is missing because he broke up with you?” Bernie ventured to respond quickly with a despair only comparable to a real estate seller with a really hard sale

“I don’t know...it wouldn’t be the same without him by my side. I haven’t felt this lonely since he went on that business trip and I couldn’t see him for 3 hours”

It was then when an evil idea came to the mind of the bear, a malignant and precise smile was drawn on his lips, like that kind of smile when a surgeon is about to operate an extra organ only to increase the price of his patient's medical bill. 

“What did he say he was doing in those 3 hours? Why wouldn’t he want to see you? He answers to you, not the other way around!” 

"Well he...told me he was talking to the director of our show about changing some things he didn’t like.”

“Like what? your marriage? because he totally changed that!”

“But he’ll come back, he’ll realize he made a mistake and come back!”

“Blackie you’re my best friend and you know that I hate to see you crying...but as a friend I need you to realize that… he’s not going to come back because I’m pretty sure that Flug has another man to come back to….why else would he wanted so bad to see this director without you?”

“He told me it was “writer confidentiality”, and he couldn’t say anything to anyone...You don’t think he was...? With the director??”

“I’m sorry dude… I know it’s hard to know it this way….”

“NOOOOOO” screamed the demon with his extended arms, in such a dramatic pose that could only be comparable with Luke Skywalker when he discovers that Vader was his father

The shield made of pure love that surrounded the relationship with Flug was finally cracking. Like a dam that explodes into a thousand pieces, it was releasing what Bernie was waiting until then, a crazy wave of violence and destruction. A tsunami of extremities and red eyes shook the body of Black Hat in fearsome and strange contortions. Sharp teeth emerged in the wrong places, they were between folds of skin, joints of arms, feet and neck. From that horrible monstrosity, an ancient and primitive voice screamed…

“Let's kill those fuckers!" The deep and raspy voice said with the ferocity of a thunderclap 

The bear smiled proudly at his work. It was finally happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo here it's folks chapter 2!! Bernie is such a good friend, isn't him? 
> 
> All the dialogues between Bh and Bernie and his crazy plan to kill Flug was created thanks to the evil creativity of WhiskerBiscuit (creator of the fic: Harley Quinn Is Not A Good Role Model). 
> 
> Also special thanks to my beta Left_In_The_Wreckage (I totally recommend you read her fics they are awesome, is like reading a great novel)
> 
> Either way...I've a question for you my dear readers.... what do you do when you hate the lover of your best friend?


End file.
